About that time Crystal Pepsi made me popular…

August 27, 2007 at 12:58 am | Posted in 90s, childhood, crystal pepsi, fads, i win at life, old writing | Leave a comment

In 1993, I wasn’t exactly the coolest kid on the playground. I was eleven, I had horrible pimples, big glasses, crusty braces decorated with pink and purple rubber bands, a giant nose that grew before most of my other body parts, and the frizzy remnants of a home perm my mom gave me. I went to Archaeology Camp in the summer and read novels during class that I carefully concealed inside my textbooks. I spent my free time writing my own newspaper that I distributed for a dime to friends of my mom and dad, and I tried unsuccessfully to start a neighborhood library out of my father’s toolshed. I went to class roller skating parties just to sit at the snack bar and secretly hope my crush would ask me to skate. You get the picture.

Suddenly, one day at lunch I became the center of a lot of attention. This time it wasn’t because I spilled soup down my blouse or started choking on milk that came out of my nose. No, today that day was different. That day my mom packed Crystal Pepsi in my lunch. Kids that hadn’t acknowledged my existence in four years suddenly asked to hold my unopened light blue can. The anxiously waited for me to take a sip and then all at once, everyone wanted to know how it tasted. I remember taking advantage of one of my few moments in the public eye and adding a little melodrama to my sip. “Ahh,” I said, licking my lips, “it’s even better than regular Pepsi.” I envisioned myself as part of Crystal Pepsi’s latest commercial – Van Halen playing in the background, my metal-glinty smile lighting up the screen, a satisfied “AHHH!” being my trademark slogan.

Eventually everyone who desired it had their own can of Crystal Pepsi at lunch, and I returned to spending lunch laughing on cue at other people’s jokes to make it look like they were talking to me. And eventually, Crystal Pepsi was gone. Let me state for the record that I was a huge fan of the stuff. I thought it was great, but apparently very few other people ever did.

The scary part is that the people who liked Crystal Pepsi ten years ago still have a hard time getting over it’s demise. In addition to numerous fan pages, there is also a petition to Pepsi to bring the beverage back on the market and (get this) you can also buy bottles of Crystal Pepsi on E-Bay. Now, I’ll bet that will make a tasty snack. If I won one, I’d be sure to eat it with a thirteen year old bowl of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Cereal. For sure.

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