About the state of women’s bathrooms….

September 14, 2007 at 10:26 pm | Posted in annoyances, childhood, crazy people, fears, mad mad world, the sexes, totally disgusting, work | 3 Comments

Ladies, this one goes out to all of you. It’s about our bathrooms. Not the ones at home that we make sure to keep sparkling clean and filled with scented candles, triple ply toilet paper, and Plumeria scented Bath and Body Works Moisturizing Hand Foam. I’m not talking about the bathroom that we buy a multitude of products just to keep clean – the tile cleaner for the shower, the blue stuff for the toilet, the glass cleaner for the window, the scrubbing bubbles for the sinks…. I’m talking about the ones we use while we’re at work. Or at the mall. Or anywhere else where we can do our business in relative anonymity and not be in charge of cleaning.

See, it seems that as soon as we women get a change to pee somewhere where the level of cleanliness doesn’t directly reflect on us like it does in our own homes we lose all sense of etiquette, descend into filth, and adopt a group mentality where lack of class is acceptable as long as someone else is dealing with the aftermath.

When I was a little girl, my Grandma Lore and I used to hang out while my Mom was at work. Okay, actually she was babysitting me, but it never really felt that way. She was a lot of fun and loved to go out so we’d often spend our days walking around the mall. We’d buy little trinkets, throw pennies into the fountain, gobble up free samples of cheese and summer sausage at the old Hickory Farms store, and eat ice cream cones while sitting on benches and watching people go by. Then we’d usually meet my Pa for lunch and sometimes catch an afternoon movie. Since I was a wee little thing with a wee little bladder, I often had to… well, wee.  Lore hated public bathrooms. She knew it was inevitable that in the course of a six hour day spent at the mall I’d have to go at least three times, but she hated it none the less.  If she knew my Pa was coming soon she’d wrinkle her nose and squint her eyes and plead “Can you hold it just a little bit longer?” Most of the time the answer was no, and we’d march over to use the Food Court john.

My Grandmother had her bathroom procedure down pat and she never deviated from it, not for any reason. She would grab a bunch of napkins from the Arbys near the bathroom entrance and use said napkins to open the door as well as to push open and lock the door to the stall. She would throw that napkin in the toilet, grab a fresh napkin, wipe the entire seat with it, and then dispose of it. Then, even though she had wiped the seat, there was still no sitting to be had. I learned the Art of the Squat when I was very young.

1.No part of he body may touch the bowl. This includes not only heinie cheeks, but also the back of the thighs that are in danger of coming too close to the bowl.

2. Pants must not touch the floor.  This means that while squatting one hand must always be holding up your drawers, but not holding them so close that you risk getting pee on them. This can pose a challenge.

3. During the squat you cannot touch the walls of the stall. Envision the walls as being made out of fire so that you’re not tempted to use any part of it for balance.

Leaving the bathroom was similar to entering it – your hands didn’t touch a single surface, not even the knobs to sink or the little crank on the paper towel dispenser. I did not dare break any of the sacred Rules of the Public Bathroom. The way my Grandma carried on about it I believed that there were colonies of germs that lived in every crook and crevice just waiting to spread horrible things like Ebola, Leprosy, and Beri Beri. If  my arm grazed the dispenser while I was reaching for toilet paper I half expected it to fall off sometime later that day.

Now that I’m older, I’m pretty sure that while all bathrooms (yes, even the ones in our own homes) are swarming with germs and bacteria, women’s restrooms are much more disgusting and bacteria ridden then they need to be. Why? Well, have you been in a public restroom lately? They’re often stinky (which really can’t be controlled and I’m not suggesting we all carry Lysol in our bags just in case we plop something offensive out…), dirty, and in a condition that we would NEVER leave our own bathrooms.

When you’re at home, do you pee all over your toilet seat?  If you were to accidentally do so, wouldn’t you wipe it off so that the next person to enter the room doesn’t have to look at your sprinkles? When you’re in your own cozy little powder room do you sometimes forget to flush after you do some nasty business? Probably not. Do you ever flush but realize that it hasn’t gone down and then just walk away from it? Of course not, because you’d be embarrassed if a guest at your home went into the bathroom and came face to face with yesterday’s lunch.

So, why are these things done in public bathrooms? Why is the sink area always so slopped with water and soap remnants that anything placed on the counter will immediately absorb a few pints like a sponge?  Why are paper towels left on the floors? Why are things a lot worse than paper towels left in the bowl? Why are disgusting, used feminine hygiene products not properly wrapped up before they’re haphazardly placed in the little box (if they’re even put there at all)? NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE THAT.

Even though I no longer fear getting ricketts from the door handle of the mall bathroom, I understand where my Grandma was coming from. I don’t want to sit on a pee splattered seat covered in someone else’s crusty butt germs. It’s gross. That’s why I am challenging every woman who reads this blog . Yes, challenging you. Let’s make a little bit of an effort to keep our bathrooms clean. Aim. Wipe. Flush. It’s really not that difficult. Let’s re-claim our bathrooms from clogs, filth, and apathy! Let’s put the ladies back in Ladies Room! Let’s have a heart and realize that someone has to deal with that mess every day, and even if you’ve never met him or her that doesn’t mean you should treat the space they clean any different than the space that you clean.

After all, if it’s difficult to squat while holding your bag and your pants up while trying to balance without hitting the wall imagine how it is going to feel when you’re 80.



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  1. This is exactly why I was so pleasantly surprised at the clean bathrooms at the amusement park I went to recently. Good point about putting the “ladies” back in Ladies Room. Nice post, Rosiebell! 😉

  2. I am so glad I pee standing up.

  3. […] a.k.a Rosiebell – If you are a fan of romantic stories, or if you have an opinion about ladies rooms, then Rosiebell’s Proximity Infatuation is the place for you. LOL. I “met” […]

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